


One shots - Steve Rogers

by Nikky_the_writer



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-09-19 12:36:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17001789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikky_the_writer/pseuds/Nikky_the_writer
Summary: Steve is finding out what happened to the girl that he loves.Part written in cursive is Steve’s memoryWarning: Mentions of death and sex





	1. Lost soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is finding out what happened to the girl that he loves.
> 
> Part written in cursive is Steve’s memory
> 
> Warning: Mentions of death and sex

Almost all the Avengers were sitting in the meeting room. Fury was informing them about their next target. They were sitting around a glass table on which was unopened files each in front everyone. Tony was first to open a file, he didn’t expect what he saw. In the file was a picture of a young girl with long (Y/H/C/) hair. She looked so innocent and sweet. It was a picture of a fifteen-year old girl.

˝She is a kid?! ˝, Tony said.

˝Nowadays that is not surprising Tony, but this picture is old˝, Fury continued talking while Steve was staring blankly at the photo.˝This is the only photo that we manage to get it is approximately nine years old. ˝

˝You are saying that nobody has seen her since 2007? ˝, Pietro asked nobody directly.

˝I thought that kids these days can’t live without Internet and social media, even my daughter has instagram and she is just a kid˝, Scott was surprise about every fact about unknown girl.

˝Steve, you didn’t say a word˝, after hearing Natasha’s voice everyone was looking at Steve. Steve raised his head, ignoring stears and meeting Fury’s eyes. ˝What have she done? ˝

˝Well, at this point it is not important for you to know that. Your mission is to find her and bring her to me. ˝

˝You gave us files that are almost completely blank, just basic information and you want us to go against this kid? ˝, Tony stood up.

˝Stark sit down˝, Fury ordered.

˝What are you hiding when you didn’t let Wanda to be in this meeting. Were you afraid that she would find out your secrets? ˝, Clint asked also standing up. ˝I have kids and I wouldn’t want anyone to mess with them and now you re sending us to do that to one? ˝

˝She is not a kid anymore and I am not the one who is hiding something from you˝, Fury stated, gesturing Tony and Clint to sit down. After they sat down, Fury looked at Steve waiting for him to say something.

˝I know her˝, Steve whispered. It was hard for him to look at her photo barely recognizing her. ˝I mean I knew her˝, he corrected himself.

˝What do you mean? ˝, Bruce wanted to know, he was sitting between Tony and Nat and in front of Steve.

˝I met her four years ago, we’ve been together for a year. ˝, Steve explained, but he didn’t want to go into details.

˝You are telling me that you’ve been with someone? ˝, Pietro couldn’t stay serious at this realization.

˝Can you stop˝, Steve asked his friend who was sitting next to him. He couldn’t keep himself collected so he stood up and left the room without saying another word. Bucky wanted to stand up when he felt someones arm on his shoulder. ˝I will talk to him˝, Nat said leaving.

˝So we are going against the old men’s girl? ˝, Tony was playing with edges of paper.

˝Tony this is not the game, at the moment she is the number one on the most wanted list. ˝, Fury sat waiting for their questions about the mission.

˝If she is so dangerous, why didn’t you catch her already? ˝, Pietro was curious.

˝We were monitoring her, everything that she did… ˝

˝So, you were stalking her˝, said Scott interrupting Fury.

˝You can say it like that, but we had a reason. We knew almost everything about her and we had photos. Six months ago we found all the agents who were assigned to her dead. All the information was gone and every photo disappeared, just like she did. ˝

˝You screwed up and now we need to clean your mess. ˝, Bucky got up, he stopped walking as he reached the door. ˝What are you going to do to her? ˝, he waited for the Fury’s reply.

˝We will take information from her˝

˝You are going to torture her and then kill her. You don’t have to lie to us, especially to me, I know how this organisation works, maybe it’s not called Hydra, but it starts to operate in the same way. ˝, he lowered his head, taking a deep breath and looking at Fury ˝I hope that you know what you are asking from Steve and I. He loved her and I am sure he still do. ˝, Bucky left closing the door behind him.

˝The meeting is over. Stark I need to talk to you. ˝, Stark started talking with Fury while everyone else was leaving. Pietro left suspiciously last, he was trying to hear their conversation.

˝You have to take care off this mission, this time you are going to be in charge, not Rogers. If you think that he is not ready for this mission, then he has to stay here. ˝

˝What did she really do Fury be honest with me, you can try to lie, but I can find out the truth. ˝, Tony didn’t want to follow his orders not knowing why are they after her.

˝ (Y/N) (Y/L/N), stole our information about our secret project. ˝

˝Did she even killed anyone? ˝, Tony was totally relaxed in his chair waiting for his words.

˝We are not completely positive that she was the one who killed them, but it was her people. ˝

˝Are they older? ˝

˝We identify one man, his name is Roberto da Costa. He seems really close to her. He is in late thirties˝

˝Why would he care about her and her business, he is a millionaire? ˝, Tony asked, surprised when he heard the name of a man who is helping (Y/N).

˝So are you Tony and that didn’t stop you from becoming the Avenger˝, Fury left the room leaving Tony behind lost in his thoughts.

* * *

 ˝Steve, hey look at me˝, said Nat, standing behind upset Steve.

˝Please just leave me alone Nat˝

˝Talk to me˝, she begged him.

˝I can’t talk about it, not now˝, he wanted to leave when he heard Nat’s question.

˝That girl, she was that girl that you wanted to marry? You talk about her only to me and Bucky and we never said anything. So I think that I have the right to know what happened to you. You never said who ended things between you two. ˝

˝Nat, I really care about you and I want that to stay like that so just forget about it˝, Steve’s voice was cracking.

* * *

_˝Hey, grumpy what’s going on inside that pretty head of yours? ˝, (Y/N) asked teasing her boyfriend. They were laying on the couch, his head was placed on her chest, while her hand was playing with his messy hair._

_˝Nothing, just thinking˝_

_˝About…? ˝, she placed a kiss on his head._

_˝You˝, he said in a whisper._

_˝Me? Captain Rogers I’m hoping nothing dirty. ˝_

_˝Well.. ˝, Steve started talking while turning around to be met with her bright eyes full of life._

_˝I always thought that you are the guy who is taking action and not just imagine thing in your head. ˝, she was looking him straight in the eyes, slowly lowering her eyes to his lips and then back to his eyes._

_˝I can show you what kind of guy I am˝, Steve said with a smug smile, making her laugh. ˝You think that I can’t? ˝, he started tickling (Y/N), her giggles were filling the small living room. She was kicking him playfully and accidentally he fell on the floor. ˝Are you OK?˝, she asked, looking at him from the couch._

_˝Can you give me a hand? ˝, he asked._

_˝So, that you could take me down? ˝, She smiled, ˝Well I don’t have anything else to do today, so,… ˝, She slowly get off the couch lowering her body on his laying form._

_˝Is this what you had in mind? ˝, she kissed his collarbone. Steve’s smile grows wider with every second. Her fingers were going across his arms. Taking them and putting them beside his head. ˝I think that in this relationship, I’m the alpha. Don’t you think so? ˝, she was leaving small kisses on his jaw, only getting Steve’s moans in return. Seeing how much he enjoys she quickly got up, leaving him on the floor._

_˝ (Y/N/N), that was cruel˝, he followed her to the bedroom, not seeing her there. He heard a door closing and there she was, dangerously coming closer to him, she throws him on the bed. Expecting smile from him, but she saw the pain on his face._

_˝Babe, did you hurt yourself again? ˝, he just nodded. She came closer, worrying about him, she took his shirt off and saw a big purple bruise on his backs._

_˝You are an idiot, you could’ve told me…I throw you off the couch˝, she remembered, ˝ now it’s even worse, am I right? ˝, her expression was sad and full of pain, she hated seeing him in pain._

_˝Hey, calm down˝, he put his arms around her and hold her close to his heart._

* * *

The memory forced smile on Steve’s face, which quickly faded remembering what is going to happen tomorrow. He is going to hunt down the woman that he loves. A person who stood beside him in good and in the bad times. They weren’t married, but they had the most special bond. The bond has never disappeared after all of the years that passed by, all the bridges that were burned between their hearts. They will always stay close to each other, not knowing how close they really are. Tomorrow two well-known souls will step on the battlefield, with the same feeling, it will be the last time for them to look each other in the eyes.


	2. Buried

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader was betrayed by one that she loved

You were a part of the Hydra’s earlier experiments. They would cut you a few times a day and inject numbering of unknown liquids into your already weak body. You tried to fight it, but every day you were losing hope, you didn’t have anyone to fight except for yourself, but it was getting harder and you were getting weaker. 

Last time when day dragged your limp body from the cell was the day when you died.

Few  days later you woke up buried, craving for air. You couldn’t get out. There was only darkness. You were suffocating. You closed your eyes, hoping that it was just a dream.

Opening your eyes again, you found yourself unburied laying in the dirt. Everything was dead around you. All the grass, flowers, animals and trees. You never felt more alive. With small steps you came to the nearest city covered with dirt in the old clothes. It was snowing, but you didn’t notice. You keep on walking. 

* * *

Two years passed bye and you were living in the small cabin in the forest. In one evening tall, mysterious man came into your home, his name was Tony Stark. He offered you a place in America, where you would join the Avengers. The offer was tempting so you accepted, but you never told him what you could really do, he only thought that you can control plants, you never found out why would he think that, but you didn’t care, you knew that you can’t trust them. You could make plants to grow, you would just redirect energy from another organism. You were surprised how they quickly accepted you and made you feel welcomed. As the days passed, your feelings towards Steve changed. Being too shy to make a move you didn’t say anything. Natasha found out and two weeks after Steve asked you to go on a date with him, you gladly accepted. You put your walls down. You trusted him so much, like nobody else before, but you realized that it was a mistake. It all happened during the mission. The trust was broken, leaving you betrayed. You were sent alone to take information from the control room, while others would fight with guards to keep you safe, but they didn’t. You came to the meeting point, they didn’t come, but you weren’t alone. Guards surrounded you and in your realization that they abandoned you. 

Your screams could be heard miles away, as well the screams of the guards, you drained the life from them. You didn’t care about revenge because they left you to die, you just wanted to disappear, so you did. You left, leaving them to think that you were dead.

* * *

Years passed and now you were emotionally and physically stronger than ever. You build your empire. You made a name for yourself “The Chemist”. Although your abilities had nothing to do with chemistry. You were working for anybody who was willing to pay. You were known for making other people problems disappear. Heads of big organizations like hydra would hire you after they organizations were compromised. After that, you would clean everything. Only the boss would stay and he would create something else from the dust. You had to eliminate every hydra member, many of them were in the prison so that helped, you could easier take more of them at once. One of the few that left was Bucky Barnes. When you found out that that was Steve’s Bucky, you smiled. After all planing, you decided to kill him in front of Steve and then you would let him take you. You wanted him to suffer, like you did. He broke you and now was time for you to break him.

Your first attempt to execute your plan failed because of your coworker Michael, he was your only partner. And some problems came up to him so you dealt with it. Today he said that he has something for you to pay you for everything that you have done for him.

He leads you to the basement, you rarely went to the basement, it was used only for torturing that Micky would proceed. You opened the door and came into dark and cold space, you smirked when you saw what Micky did for you.

“Oh Captain, my Captain”, you saw him sitting in a metal chair, chained to the floor.He couldn’t believe his ears, he heard the voice of a woman that he loves. He wanted to look up, but he kept staring at the floor, knowing that she is dead.

“You can look up, Steve, it won’t kill you.” He forced himself to look, he couldn’t believe it, you were alive, standing in front of him.

“But I will”, you added

“How? We thought you died.”, he was in shock. Why didn’t he look for you? Why did they accept that you were dead?

“Well you left me to die, what did you expect from me, should I have sent a postcard?”, you asked bitterly, but not raising your voice. You were sitting in front of him, looking at him with disgust.

“We buried the empty casket”, he said with tears in his eyes. He wanted to touch you to see if you were real, but he couldn’t reach you.

“ I know Rogers, I was there.”

“Why didn’t you just come?”, he wanted to know what was stopping you.

“Why didn’t you that day?”. you replied with a question. “ It is so weird that your tears look so real as theirs were too”, you stated.

“You don’t know what you are talking about.”, Steve lowered his head not wanting to look at you. He couldn’t believe that you thought that he doesn’t love you that he doesn’t care about you. You were breaking his heart all over again.

“How do you sleep at night?”, you asked breaking the silence.

“I don’t”, he whispered.

“That is hard for me to believe. Captain America can’t sleep at night. It is quite sad, is it not?”

You asked after he looked at you again.

“Can you…” he started

“ What? Come closer? No, Steve we all know that you can break these chains. Don’t fool around.”, you relaxed in the chair, waiting for him to try.

“I won’t”

“Don’t you want to save your buddy? Or is it that you leave everybody behind.”

Steve felt uncomfortable with you mentioning Bucky, he didn’t know what is going on with you.

“ He is not going to make it, I will make sure of it.”

You got up from the chair and headed to the door, but you stopped when you heard metal falling on the floor. You turned around and he was standing in front of you, just a few steps away.

You were looking each other in the eyes not moving when you dared him. “Finish it. Finish what you couldn’t do personally. Kill me Steve.”

“No”, he moved closer to you.

“It is me or him?”, you came closer as he came to you.

“I am not afraid, Steve.”, you pulled out the knife.

“I think that guns are impersonal, so the knife just likes all of them on my back that you put there. Now put this one in my heart.”, you put the knife in Steve’s hand. He couldn’t understand why were you doing this. You looked in his eyes and you knew.

“I see that you made a choice”, you smiled sadly.


	3. Scared of hurting her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is Tony’s daughter and in love with Steve.

The constant noise woke you up from your peaceful sleep right in the moment when you were enjoying in your dreams. Your tired body was laying comfortably covered with fluffy blanket. It was middle of the spring, but it was cold at night. 

You were arguing with yourself should you go to see what is going on. You stayed in the place a little more listening to the rain. You could hear your father’s voice, but you couldn’t recognize the other voice it was too quiet for you to hear. You moved your blanket putting your bare feet on the warm floor. Stepping outside your room you saw your father arguing with Steve. It didn’t seem like a fight it was more like they were joking. They were standing in front of your father’s room.

˝Tony, I’m telling you it wasn’t like that˝, Steve said smiling.

Seeing him smile brought smile on your lips. They finally put the past in the past. Bucky moved to the Tower, it was your father’s idea, he didn’t want to lose the Avengers, his only real friends.

˝I told you old man, you have to put in the security number and then the number I gave you. ˝, your father tried explain to him. Steve had problems with his room, he couldn’t get in. Honestly, there was nothing wrong with his room and he did everything right, it was you who messed with him.

* * *

One night when nobody was in the Tower except you and Bucky, Bucky asked you if you could help him with the modern technology. He said that Steve, Sam and Tony are always messing around with him. You had to do something, Bucky became yours and Pietro’s best friend. You three were weird mixture, but you all got along really well. Pietro still stayed close to his sister, but she would go out often with Vision or Nat. To get back to your father and Steve you decided to change Steve’s security code, you knew that he would ask your father to help him, which really annoyed Tony. You knew that Sam was really mean to Bucky so one day you asked the whole team to join you on the roof except Sam. He would always fly in 2 pm, you planned something perfect. He jumped from the roof not seeing you all there. He opened his wings and then it happened, he started swearing, you put feathers all around his wings. It looked like he ran into pigeons. The team was laughing like crazy and you proudly recorded everything.

* * *

˝Dad˝, you said, getting the attention of both men. Steve blushed, seeing you standing there only in your cropped shirt and shorts.

˝What’s going on honey? ˝, your father asked, coming closer to you.

˝Can you stop arguing? You woke me up˝

Tony came closer and kissed your forehead and you could hear Steve saying ˝Sorry (Y/N) ˝

˝Will you join us for breakfast? ˝, Tony asked still holding you.

˝Yeah, I will be right there, just need my hoodie. ˝

* * *

Everybody was in the kitchen eating when you entered the room. You saw Bucky, Steve and Clint eating waffles in front of the TV. You sat at the kitchen counter next to Pietro and your father.

Wanda gave you the plate with waffles so you started eating. You look towards the couch few times.

˝Stop staring˝, Pietro whispered so that your father couldn’t hear him.

˝I wasn't˝, you lied with a smile on your face.

˝You should ask him out˝, Pietro suggested, but this time little to loud.

˝What did you just say Speedy? ˝, Tony asked, grabbing everybody’s attention, including the man you liked, Steve.

˝Nothing˝, Pietro said, looking at his plate.

˝I knew it˝, Wanda said.

˝Who is he? ˝, Natasha asked

˝Nobody˝, you tried to leave, but Clint came in front of you: ˝Do I know him? ˝

˝Guys leave her alone˝, you would expect your father to say that which he did intend to do, but Steve said it first.

˝Thanks Steve˝, you said before Pietro carried you to your room.

* * *

˝You can put me down˝, you said, while he was holding you a little too long.

˝Sorry I was just thinking˝

˝You? Thinking? Don’t fool around Pete. ˝, you were laughing, while he looked like a sad puppy. He sat on the bed next to you.

˝You know that he likes you too? I mean you should think about it. Why would he tell everyone to stop asking you questions about a guy you like? ˝, he asked, raising the suspicion in you.

“It is not that simple, you know that everything can go wrong?”, you tried to explain Pietro, but he couldn’t understand.

“It is simple, just ask him”, he was persistent:“He won’t say no”

“And what if he says no?”, you were thinking about asking Steve, but you were too afraid of rejection.

“Then I will go on a date with you and it will be the best date ever, OK?”, he said enthusiastically.

“Do you really think he will say yes?”, you said smiling.

“Yes, who wouldn’t”, Pietro reassured you.

* * *

You walked out of your room you could feel the adrenaline in your body and Pietro calling your name. You headed stray to the couch where Steve was now the only one there. 

. You walked to him and cleared your throat.

“Hey, (Y/N), you alright.”, he was worried that you were upset because of the earlier event.

“Can I ask you something?”, you asked and continued without waiting for his reply. “ I was… well, I was thinking if you would maybe go out with me?”, you paused for a second and he lowered his head. You knew what is going to happen.

You heard his voice. “I… Look (Y/N), I”, he was stuttering.

“Forget that I asked, I was foolish.”, everything happened so fast, you wanted to cry, you run away back to your room where Pietro waited for you.

“He would say it Pete, he would say no, and he fucking did say no”, you screamed.

He hugged you falling with you on bed.

“He is an idiot”, he murmured.

Your worm tears were falling on Pietro’s chest. He hated seeing you hurt. He cared for you deeply. He connected with you during his time recovering. He enjoyed seeing you walking in hallways and making stupid faces on the other side of glass wall when he and Bucky would be in the meeting with Fury and the team. They loved you.

“Don’t say anything to Bucky”, you whispered.

“You said that you hate when people lie.”

You sat with your head against the wall where you hung all the pictures with yourself and your idiots.

“I didn’t say that you should lie, just don’t tell him if he doesn’t ask.”

“You know that he will ask. He asks every day when will you and Steve be finally together.”

You didn’t want to worry Bucky. he and Steve were best friends, you didn’t want to be in the middle of their friendship. “Staying for the night?”, you asked, snuggling closer to Pietro.

“You know that is morning” 

“I know, so are you?”, you were still waiting for his answer.

“Of course”, he kissed your cheek and took your laptop.

“We have a lot to catch up”, you said.

“We always have”, he put you closer.

“Hey, you coming with me?”, you heard your father asking when he opened the door without knocking. You and Pietro still stayed close.

“Nope, we have a movie night”, you didn’t even bother to look up, you were watching your laptop looking for something good.

“You know that is mor…”, Tony started saying.

“She knows”, Pietro said.

“I will leave you two alone.”, gesturing towards you two he added, “ I will never understand what are you two doing.”

Before he walked out you said “You can be friend with the opposite sex, you know without the drama with dating.” 

“I still don’t think so”, Tony closed the door and you yelled knowing that he will hear: “That's  why I and Pete have sex.”

Pietro looked at you with his eyes wide open.

“What?”, he was shocked.

“Don’t act all innocent, you know that you would enjoy, so shut up.”, you push his shoulder playfully.

“Well, who wouldn’t? I’m sure that your father heard that”, he covered his head with your blanket, making weird noises to make you laugh.

“I will invite Bucky to join us for movie night”, you wanted to get up when he said:“He can’t, Tony is working on his hand today.”

“I wanted to do that”, you said with your voice a little higher than usual.

“That’s probably the reason why Tony came here.”

“You coming with me?”, you took his hand in yours.

“What about movie night?”

“It is morning, how can you have a movie night in the morning? You silly little boy.”, you squeezed his cheeks, talking with a weird voice.

“You know that he will probably be there.”

“I know, but you and Bucky will be there too.”, you left your room, but Pietro was still talking.

¨Don’t forget about your dad.˝

* * *

You came into the lab and sat on the metal table not saying a word. Steve was looking at you, but you ignored it. Tony finished something on Bucky’s arm and looked at you and Pietro.

“You are already done? Now I finally understand why she calls you Speedy”, your father joked.

Steve’s mouth stayed open not understanding what is happening.

But before he could ask anything Bucky laugh and you did too.

Bucky saw sadness behind your smile, he could tell that something was bothering you, so he decided to talk with you later.

“That is why she has me”, Bucky smirked, trying to make you laugh, accidentally getting your father’s attention: “Say what Barnes?”

“Nothing”, he winked at you and you winked back.

˝What’s going on?“, Steve asked.

“They are sleeping with my daughter”, Tony said seriously and you all stopped laughing.

This kind of joking didn’t bother Tony because you would always tell him everything, he knew everything. You grow up without a mother you had just him. You never felt embarrassed in front of him, you knew that he was proud of you and that he wants to know what is bothering you. He was more like your sister than a father.

“You are letting your daughter to sleep with two guys?!”, Steve asked, standing up from the place where he sat next to Bucky.

You heard Bucky saying to Steve: “Come down, man”

“Letting? You are really old. She can handle everything on her own. If she thinks that is good for her to sleep with two guys that is her choice, I trust her decision.”, Tony defended you although there was nothing to defend you never slept with them. You did sleep in the same bed, but there was never anything more than cuddling.

“You are a bad father”, Steve said, looking at you and storming out.

“I will talk to him. Are you done Stark?”, Bucky was looking at his arm with some elements picking out.

“With that part, yes, but you have to come back.¨

* * *

Bucky came into Steve’s room without knocking.

“You could have told me”, Steve said, sitting in the corner of his room.

“They were joking.”

Bucky could see tears in his eyes, something that he never saw. “If it was true, why would you care?” 

Steve looked at his carpet. “I love her.”

Bucky was shocked, he never knew that he felt that way. He sat next to him.

“Why didn’t you say something? I thought that you were just friends”

“We can’t be anything more, she is Tony’s daughter”, Steve was playing nervously with his fingers.

“So what? I am her friend and Tony is cool with that”, Bucky tried to put some sense in his brain.

“It is different”, Steve was persistent.

“No, it is not, he would even be fine with me being more than friends.”

“It is still different”, Steve yelled he was on his feet now. “I lied to him, I took the Avengers from him and betray him, I broke him, Buck.”, Steve remembered his fight with Tony in Siberia .

“I killed his parents and he forgave me and he forgave you”

“I haven’t forgiven myself and I don’t think that I ever will.”, Steve was pacing around the room.

“She wants to be with you”

“I know”, he whispered.

“What?”, Bucky got up, forcing Steve to stop moving.

“She asked me to go out with her today”

“You said no? You idiot”, he couldn’t believe it, he broke her heart.

“What could I say? Yes?”, Steve yelled again.

“You should have ”

“I don’t want to do to her what I did to her father”, he sat on the edge of his bed, with his head in his hands.

“You already lied to her, she was there”

“I know”, Steve was crying again.

“And you still don’t want to be with her?”, Bucky couldn’t understand his friend.

“I can’t, Buck I can’t hurt her again”

Hearing him say that Bucky took a deep breath saying: “You already did”


	4. Scared To Be Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a one shot based on a song Scared to lonely from Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa,

 

* * *

> _It was great at the very start_  
>  Hands on each other  
> Couldn’t stand to be far apart  
> Closer the better  
> 
> 
>  

Drops of sweat were falling from his forehead as he laid down next to you. You were still catching your breath and he smiled at you. He pulled you to his chest and you hide your face away from him. He moved the strands of your hair to see your face. Your cheeks were a shade darker and he couldn’t suppress a chuckle that escaped his lips.

˝What’s so funny? ˝ You asked with a pout on your face.

˝You are adorable. ˝

˝No, I’m not˝ You put your hair back on your face, placing your head under his chin.

˝Yes, you are. Just a minute ago you were so dominant and now you are shy. That’s just adorable. ˝

You smacked his shoulder playfully and you sat up.

˝Hey, where are you going? ˝

You put his shirt over your body and turned to face him.

˝Well, I’m going to take a shower. ˝ Just a second after you got up from the bed Steve took you in his arms carrying you to the bathroom for the second round. Steve was a great man and on the top of that an amazing lover. He was always there for you, always picking you up when you would fall. A perfect man, maybe too perfect to be true?

 

> _Now we’re picking fights_  
>  And slamming doors  
>  Magnifying all our flaws  
>  And I wonder why  
>  Wonder what for  
>  Why we keep coming back for more
> 
>  

˝What do you want me to do Steve?˝

You and Steve were having a fight it was already the third fight in that week and it was only Tuesday. You were sent on the mission a few weeks ago and from the moment you came back Steve was always picking a fight with you.

˝I just wanted you to be there with me.˝

˝What to hold your hand? Steve it was just a wedding˝

Steve wanted you to attend his ex-girlfriend’s wedding, but you had to go to Russia. You were sent by Fury there.

˝I needed you there.˝

˝It was a stupid idea to go there. But it wouldn’t be hard for you if you weren’t still in love with her! ˝ You were yelling at him in the room full of people and you didn’t care. You knew that you will probably stop fighting in a few hours, like usual.

Your relationship wasn’t healthy anymore. You both were pushing each other down, but neither of you was ready to let go.

 

> _Is it just our bodies?_  
>  Are we both losing our minds?  
> Is the only reason you’re holding me tonight  
> ‘Cause we’re scared to be lonely?
> 
>  

It’s been three months from the last time when you saw Steve. He was sent on the mission. The first week after he left, he would call you almost every day, but now it would be a miracle if he would call you once a week. You were falling apart, more every day. Somebody would say that it was because of the distance between you both, but it wasn’t. You were sure. If he really cared he would be there, but he wasn’t. You were also an avenger you knew that it can get rough sometimes. But you would at least try to reach him when you were on the mission, but you start caring less about him. You both knew it, you both realized your relationship was meant to be broken. None of you had the courage to face the problem, none of you wanted to face each other. You both need somebody, not knowing why. To you it wasn’t even important if he was connected with you, you just need to hold him.

 

> _Do we need somebody_  
>  Just to feel like we’re alright?  
>  Is the only reason you’re holding me tonight  
>  'Cause we’re scared to be lonely?
> 
>  

You woke up naked next to him. He was still asleep, but you were feeling afraid of leaving him. You wanted it to be like it was before. You wanted to go back to the happy days. You were feeling desperate to be in his arms. You wanted him to hold you during night, it came to the point when you would barely talk to each other. He pulled you closer to his chest with his eyes still closed. He murmured something in your ear, but you didn’t understand.

˝What? ˝ You silently asked, your throat hurt you, you were yelling yesterday at him over something that didn’t matter to either of you.

˝Is it wrong?˝

˝What, Steve?˝ You turned around to look him in the eyes.

˝I love you, but it feels like we are so far away from each other.˝

˝I know˝

˝I don’t want to let you go, but at the same time I don’t even have you.˝ His hand was tangled in your hair and you looked at him with sad eyes.

˝I’m scared˝ You whispered.

˝Of what?˝

˝Of what we have become.˝

Love was there on both ends, but was it too late. Were you both strangers in the same bed?

You held him in your arms and he held you in his. You already had the answer on the question that you both didn’t want to ask.

Was it over?

 

> _Even when we know it’s wrong_  
>  Been somebody better for us all along  
> Tell me, how can we keep holding on?  
> Holding on tonight


	5. Carpe diem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is always worried about Reader who always teases him about it.
> 
> Warning: cursing

You were annoyed and not because of a sharp knife that was stuck in your lower abdomen but because of the fact that Steve Rogers had to constantly remind you of it. He didn’t want to shut up. You were laying down in the quinjet waiting for others to come back and for Bruce to stitch you up.  
˝Will you stop it?˝, You pulled his hand to stop him from moving.  
˝What? You shouldn’t be so irresponsible!˝ 

You rolled your eyes on his outburst. ˝I think that this is really the right time for a lecture. I will just get up and go take some popcorns from the Hydra base with the knife inside me. That sounds fun!˝, you said with a fake smile on your face.  
˝Why are you always like this? ˝ Steve was angry and he couldn’t stop pacing around the small space.  
˝Like what, Stevie? Don’t I look hot? I think that they should sell knives like accessorize. Doesn’t it makes you feel something inside your belly ‘cause it does me.˝  
˝You are like acting like a child.˝, Steve saw that Bruce was close so, he decided to sit next to your feet.   
˝Than you are a creep. I mean being attracted to a girl who is like a child. Stevie, you should really go see a doctor. You are really lucky, Bruce is here!˝, you were pressing one of the spares shirts to your wound around the knife.   
˝I’m not that kind of a doctor.˝, Bruce said kneeling next to where you were lying. He already took everything he needed to be placed next to his knees. He slowly moved the shirt from you giving it to Steve to put it back when he pulls the knife out. After he stitched you up you felt tired not even noticing that you were already in the air, flying home. Bruce gave you something for the pain that made you sleepy.  
˝Cuddle buddy…˝, you whispered reaching with your hand to the co-pilot sit where Steve was sitting.  
He turned around and you could see that he was tired, but he still managed to smile seeing you. moving from his seat he approached you taking the blanket from the nearby bench.  
˝On the floor.˝  
˝What?˝  
You looked at him with your puppy eyes and just a moment later you felt his hands on you placing you on the ground carefully. He laid down next to you placing your head on his chest and covering you both with a blanket.

* * *

˝They are cute.˝, said Natasha after you and Steve fell asleep.  
˝What do you think when will they stop fighting and start banging?˝, Sam asked nonchalantly staring at his friends on the ground.  
˝Who says that they are already not doing that?˝, Tony put quinjet on an autopilot, sitting in front of Sam.  
˝They are not˝, Bucky was sure in that and everyone looked at him suspiciously.  
˝And how would you know?˝, Tony folded his hands in his lap glancing at Bucky who shifted in his seat.  
˝Steve told me.˝  
˝So he is thinking about it!˝, Sam almost yelled but stopped himself not wanting to wake you and Steve. ˝He will do it soon.˝  
˝He won’t.˝, Natasha knew that if you and Steve do end up together that it will be because of you. ˝You know him guys. I tried to set him up so many times through all these years and nothing.˝  
˝Was any of those girls Y/N?˝, asked Tony looking proud of himself.  
˝No, but…˝  
˝There’s no but. He’s been crushing on her since he saw her.˝ As Steve’s best friend, Bucky knew him pretty well.  
˝Why didn’t he said something?˝  
˝He doesn’t want to mess their friendship.˝, Bucky said answering Sam’s question.  
˝Who you think will win?˝, it was the first thing Bruce said through the whole conversation. Tony smirked knowing that yours and Steve’s fight was far from over, so why wouldn’t they had some fun.  
˝Y/N will crush him.˝, Tony said like a proud father. You weren’t his kid, but you were pretty much like him and he loved you like you were his own. After Tony’s statement, everyone started arguing waking you in the process, but you didn’t mind.

* * *

˝Fuck.˝, you cursed cutting your finger while slicing a tomato.  
˝Are you alright?˝, Steve asked quickly coming to your side.  
˝No, shit Steve! I’m dying, call an ambulance or morgue.˝, you said not really impressed by his behavior. Since you were injured a week ago Steve wouldn’t leave your side. You loved him, but sometimes he was too much to handle.  
˝Maybe you will die, put the bandage on. It will heal quicker.˝  
˝Nope.˝, you said placing your finger in your mouth to move the blood.  
˝Are you joking right now?˝, you knew that he won’t let it go since his voice sounded just like when he is giving orders. He stood just a step in front of you with his palms on his hips looking down at you.  
˝Fight me.˝, you said still with your finger in your mouth. You could feel that it was bleeding heavily, but you would rather annoy him than take care of it.  
What happened next took you by surprise. Steve placed his fingers on your palm pulling your bloodied finger out. In one swift move, he turned you around leaving no space between you and the counter and he reached towards the shelf where were bandages. He took one of the bandages still holding your hand and placed it on your finger. You were still in the shock, but you couldn’t let him get away with it while you could still feel his strong chest pressing in your back.  
˝Oh, Captain, my Captain. I see that you live bye ’ _carpe diem_ '˝, you said seductively turning around when he let go of your hand finally realizing what he did. His cheeks were flush and he stared at the ground. He was ready to leave when you grabbed his arm holding him in place. Taking a step forward you reached with your fingers to his chin, gently tracing his jaw. ˝Fight me.˝, you whispered.  
Steve looked at your face and seeing a sincere smile on it he took a deep breath.  
˝What do you want from me, Y/N? I care for you and you know it. Why aren’t you more careful out there?˝  
˝If I had something to return to from the mission, maybe I would be more careful.˝, you smirked placing your other hand on his chest coming closer.  
˝Than I’ll fight you.˝, Steve said leaning in. Just as you were about to kiss, you heard cheering from other room. You couldn’t miss Bucky yelling that he won.  
˝What’s that about?˝, Steve asked confused and slightly disappointed because he thinks that you would back away now, but you didn’t. When he looked back down to you, you pulled him in for a kiss. One of much more that are yet to come.


	6. Is it too late to try again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is meeting with Steve after a few years of not talking to each other

You and Steve grow up together. You meet him when you were five years old, you moved to the house next to his. Since the moment that you came you started hanging up with him. He became your best friend and you became his. But as time passed bye things were changing and not in a good way. You drifted away, you two became like a stranger, with him moving to New York and you moving to LA. You tried to stay in touch, but it was hard. You’ve never forgotten about Steve he was always on your mind, but then you met someone. His name was Evan, he was the one of the best people you have ever met. He was funny, intelligent and he treated you in the best way.

You woke up to the loud noise Your phone was ringing. Evan’s arm was holding you close to him. It was always fascinating to you how your phone never could wake him up, but if you move away from him his eyes would instantly be open.

“Evan, babe”, you said, gently stroking his arm. He woke up, barely opening his eyes.

“Can you give me my phone?”, you asked, gesturing him to the nightstand next to him. He took your phone and handed it to you not looking at the callers ID.  
You didn’t recognize the number, but you answered anyway.

“Hello”

“Hey (Y/N), it’s Steve ”., you smiled hearing his voice after so long, you missed him.

“Oh, god.”, you whispered.

“I’m sorry for calling you this early, but…”

“It’s fine, I don’t care really. I really missed you.”, you said, letting a tear rolling down your cheek. You felt silly you could reach him whenever you wanted, but you didn’t. You were stupid, he was once your best friend.  
Evan saw that you were emotionally, so he kissed your cheek and hugged you.  
“ I was wondering if we could met to talk.”

“Yes, of course”, you answered almost instantly.  
“Are you free today, I’m in LA”

“Yes, just text me address and time”

“I can’t wait to see you”, he said

“Me too”

* * *

You were sitting in the coffee shop where you will meet Steve. You came earlier so you were wearing your headphones and reading a book.

You heard the sound of the door opening and you saw Steve coming in. Your smile grew wider, you left the book on the table and went to him. You hugged him so tight, afraid that he would fade. You didn’t even realize, how much you needed him here. You sat at the table. The waitress came and he ordered coffee for himself and you took a refill.

“So…”, you started

“I’m sorry that I didn’t call you before, I was stupid.”

“Same goes for me”, you smiled shyly. After an hour of talking you two were like before, like you were kids again.

There was silence before Steve asked “Are you seeing anyone?”

Your smile grow wider answering him.:“Yeah, I’m actually getting married in two weeks.”, you could see his smile fading.

“You?”

“No, I mean I did until a week ago, but I finally realized that I love someone else”, you felt sorry for him.

He hasn’t really had good relationships, but you just thought that he was too picky.

“So did you tell her?”

“What?”, your question took him by surprise.

“The girl that you love, have you told her?”, you asked, genuinely happy for him because he finally found the girl he loved.

“I was going to”, he said quietly, “ But she is in love with somebody else”

“I’m so sorry”, you got up from your chair and you hugged him letting him know that you are there for him.  
“You shouldn’t be sorry”, he sniffled.

“Maybe she feels the same, you won’t know if you don’t tell here. You will regret it”. you went back to your seat.

“I can’t do that to her, I don’t want to destroy her relationship”, he said looking you in the eyes.

“Then you will find somebody else”

“I don’t want to”, he whispered.“Did you finally tell her?”, Bucky asked his friend. Steve was still in his head, not hearing his friend.

“I can see that you didn’t. You are being stupid Steve”

“Can you leave me alone”, Steve sat on his couch.

“You are going to lose her”, Bucky said. He knew how much you mean to Steve . Steve tried to forget about his feelings, ignoring everything that involved you.

“Steve , call her”, Bucky said louder approaching Steve .  
“Buck, if you don’t shut up, you will have to leave.” Steve was holding his head in his hands. He was always regretting not telling you how he felt, but he was convinced that you weren’t into him because you always encourage him to ask some girl out. You were always his wingman.

“You are afraid that she will say no, you can be such a coward sometimes”

Steve lost his nerves and yelled “She is getting married”, he had tears in his eyes and Bucky felt guilty.

“I’m so sorry Steve , but you should tell her, give her a choice. ˝

˝She loves him and he is good to her˝

˝If she knew that you love her, she wouldn’t marry him˝, Bucky said.

˝Why would you say that? ˝

˝Because from everything that you told me about you two, I think that she loves you too. ˝

* * *

A few days later…

˝You can’t be serious Steve ˝, you said laughing hysterically.

˝I’m sorry for telling you now, but I had to˝

˝You had to˝, you yelled coming closer to him, ˝Now! You are telling me now a week before I’m getting married. How could you do that? ˝, you were pacing around the room, but then you stopped. You took a deep breath and asked, ˝Do you really think that I would cancel my wedding because of your feelings. I love you Steve and once I was picturing myself with you, but that life was burned every time when you would go out with someone. You were always leaving me behind and you didn’t even notice. ˝

Steve couldn’t keep his tears in, he cried and he felt like he was suffocating. You came closer and hugged him, whispering ˝Just breath, Steve just calm down˝

After a few moments he calmed down.

˝I’m sorry˝, he whispered


	7. Without me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU for 3K celebration
> 
> Requested: song drabble : Halsey - Without me
> 
>  
> 
> Warning: cursing, bad friendship, illness

> Found you when your heart was broke
> 
> I filled your cup until it overflowed
> 
> Took it so far to keep you close
> 
> I was afraid to leave you on your own

_You knew that something bad had to happen for Steve not to answer his phone. You have been friends since you were kids and you were always there for each other although it seemed like every time you needed something he would be too busy to help you. However you still were there every time he needed you just like now and he didn’t even have to call you, you were already there._

_You were there to see him sitting in the corner of his room with an empty bottle next to his feet. His head was hanging low and silent sniffles left his nose. It hurt you seeing him like that, it hurt you constantly seeing the damage that other people made in his life, however, you never seem to see how much damage he had made in your life._

_“Steve,” you asked softly as you approached him. The only sound in the room were now your feet falling against the wooden planks as you approached him. You were reluctant to come closer as something inside you told you to not bother anymore but still you sat down beside him. You invited him in your arms and he moved closer with his head on your chest._

_“Everything will be alright,” you whispered while moving your fingers through his golden hair. And having him like that in your arms made you wonder if you were talking to him or to yourself, it made you wonder how do you every time find yourself in the same place. For years you were there for him, for years you were taming the demons inside his mind. For years you were the one making sure that he was alright and all this time nobody did the same for you, not even him._

> I said I’d catch you if you fall
> 
> And if they laugh, then fuck ‘em all
> 
> And then I got you off your knees
> 
> Put you right back on your feet
> 
> Just so you could take advantage of me

I _t was three months after when he called; it was four days ago when another of his relationships ended and he needed a friend and you were there. You were there for him helping him forget, you did everything to do that even if life around you was collapsing. And never had he noticed the darkness below your eyes or redness in them. He never noticed anything wrong with you the one who had always been there._

_He cried again against your chest as he tried to understand why he was again alone, but he never was. So if he was alone with you than how much did he even cared for you?_

_For every time you helped him, for every bottle of alcohol you stopped him from drinking as he already drank too many, for every opportunity you turned down to be there for him never had you got anything in return. Never had you been his priority, you were just a friend about whom he would forget the moment somebody would catch his eye. You were a friend who waited for him for hours to show up while he was fucking somebody else with you not even close to his mind._

_You told him that you would catch him if he falls, you promised every time after his cries would stop, he never said it back. He never even told you 'thank you’ that just wasn’t him at least not towards you._

_You knew that if you had left years ago that he would be long gone, but you didn’t stay because of the guilt that his life would end, but because you loved him like nobody else could._

> Gave love 'bout a hundred tries
> 
> Just running from the demons in your mind
> 
> Then I took yours and made 'em mine
> 
> I didn’t notice 'cause my love was blind

“Y/N, are you sure that you want that?” your doctor asked observing your face as you spoke.

“There are no options left,” you stated with the same words he told you a few days ago.

“We could still try to operate,” he said moving his eyes to your medical records. His eyes moved over them for the hundred times.

“With a possibility of turning me into a plant, right?” you asked as he already told you the risks.

“There are other metho-”

“No, I’m done with them,” you said interrupting him. “I’ve been living my whole life following other people’s rules, making exceptions for them and why? I’ve never lived for myself and you want me to risk the rest of my life just so that it would be a bit longer?” you questioned while your feet were tapping at the floor.

“It would be significantly longer,” he said moving his glasses and placing them on the table. He moved further in his chair as he watched you before tiredly rubbing his eyes.

“And worthless,” you retorted.

“I understand that there are risks, but we c-”

“You see there is no we Doctor Banner, it’s not what we all can do together to make me better. It is me trusting you and I did, but it didn’t work, but I’m not going to risk it again,” you spoke trying to fight with yourself to not cry.

“You will regret that,” he said as he met a few who did.

“Maybe one day I will,” you choked out.  “But it will be because of my decision, it is not me risking for others anymore.”

“It’s your life; do you really want it to end?” he questioned as he remembered the first time meeting you. You were desperate for help and now you were refusing and he could actually understand as you did seem happier although crying.

“You said that there is a possibility of nothing changing, of me living with that in my head and I accept that however, the life I had until now is over. I’m done, I’m done with my meaningless job, I am done with fake friends and I am done with the man I thought I loved. I’m done Doctor Banner; I wish that you could respect that as although this is bad, it opened my eyes. I will finally do what I want and I won’t regret it no matter how short my life will be. I will be happy.”

> Thinking you could live without me
> 
> Thinking you could live without me
> 
> Baby, I’m the one who put you up there
> 
> I don’t know why
> 
> Thinking you could live without me

Steve had never noticed how your body became frail, or how your grip loosened, never had he noticed that you were dying in front of his eyes and still you were there, but not anymore. You were done with him and his demons, you were done with his blindness and you were ready to be happy without him. You were ready to give your heart away even while you are still breathing or after you stop because you knew it needed to be somebody else’s and not his, not anymore.


End file.
